Albuquerque: Mayor Declares War on Giant Ground Sloths Running Amok

Albuquerque Under Siege: Mayor Declares War on Giant Ground SlothsAlbuquerque Under Siege: Mayor Declares War on Giant Ground Sloths The peaceful serenity of Albuquerque was shattered on Tuesday when an unexpected and formidable foe emerged from the nearby foothills: massive, prehistoric ground sloths. According to witnesses, a herd of these ancient herbivores, each standing over 10 feet tall and weighing several tons, rampaged through the city’s suburbs. Their immense claws tore apart trees, their thunderous footsteps shook buildings, and their guttural roars sent shivers down the spines of terrified residents. Mayor Tim Keller, responding to the escalating crisis, declared a state of emergency and vowed to “wage a relentless war” on the rampaging sloths. “These creatures are an existential threat to our city,” Keller said at a hastily convened press conference. “We will not rest until they are eradicated or driven back from whence they came.” The city’s animal control officers, armed with tranquilizer darts and Tasers, were deployed in force. However, the giant sloths proved to be remarkably resilient, shrugging off the darts and charging through the electrical barriers. As the carnage continued, the National Guard was called in to provide additional support. Tanks and armored vehicles were deployed to isolate the sloths and neutralize them with heavy firepower. The battle for Albuquerque raged on for hours, with both sides suffering significant casualties. Finally, towards dusk, the last remaining ground sloth was cornered in a warehouse district and eliminated. Mayor Keller emerged from the wreckage victorious but somber. “We have won this battle,” he said, “but the war against these prehistoric behemoths may yet continue. We must remain vigilant and prepared for any future incursions.” Scientists are still baffled by the sudden appearance of the giant ground sloths in Albuquerque. Some speculate that a rift in the space-time continuum may have transported them from the distant past. Others believe that a secret underground laboratory was responsible for their creation. Regardless of their origin, the legacy of the Great Ground Sloth War will forever be etched in the annals of Albuquerque’s history. The city that was once known for its hot air balloons and native cuisine will now also be remembered for the day it faced off against a horde of prehistoric monsters.